there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
