2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
