he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
