I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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