8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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