I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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