The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
