Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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