so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
