I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
