I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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