well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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