We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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