At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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