There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
