The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
