weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
