I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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