your parents love me but you hate me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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