he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
