I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
