Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
