she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
