dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
