Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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