You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
