I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
