i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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