im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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