You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
