i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
