When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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