I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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