I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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