He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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