HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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