I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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