I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
