just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
