and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
