I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
