I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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