DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
