you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
