I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
