I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
