i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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