Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
