the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
