I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
