I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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