Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
