So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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