she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
